The Suckiest Day that ever Sucked

I tripped on my way back to my desk this morning and sprained my ankle.

Then at lunch I broke one on my molars eating GRANOLA.

And because I stayed up until 12:30 AM watching gymnastics I drank a piss load of coffee and feel all headachy and shaky.

Gah.

No one believes me

Not too many people like to go to work. Out of everyone I know only Mr. Pants loves his job. His boss is thousands of miles away, he travels extensively and likes what he does. He's one of the lucky ones. I work in an office full of psycho and idiots. We put "The Office" to shame.

Examples:
One of the guys I work with - whose job is not the kind of job you can call out from - he is the customer contact guy - called out yesterday.
Reason?
He ate too many chicken nuggets the night before.

That's actually the best reason he's come up with in awhile.

Previous excuses include:
Coworker: My cat is missing. I won't be in
Me: Oh my God! I'm so sorry! When did she get out?
Coworker: We don't know. The last time we remember seeing her was last week. But I can't work knowing she's lost.

This excused him and his girlfriend from work - conveniently on a Friday. And then cat never came back.

Coworker: I won't be in today.
Me: Oh. Are you sick?
Coworker: Kind of. Hungover mostly. Last night I taped two forties to my hands - you know, Edward Fortyhands? And I feel crappy today.

Ever since the DUI he's late once a week "because the bus sucks".

These are not the call outs of a 22 year old. He's like 30? Maybe older.

And he's one of the best employees we have...

Things I say to my coworkers that I probably shouldn't

To the guy in the next office:
If they didn't pay me, I would never speak to you.

To his girlfriend who works down the hall:
Sometimes you have to look at your life and realize not only does your job suck, but your boyfriend is a loser.

Sunday Drunk

I'm itching to write today - a letter mostly. Letter writing is my drunk dialing. Safer, but much more difficult for me.
Did I mention I've been drinking since noon? It has been a long difficult weekend full of family. So what started as a beer at noon to help clear out the cooler, has rapidly become Mr. Pants saying in an accusatory tone "Are these all your empties?!" while pointing at the line of Corona and Land Shark (the Jimmy Buffet Beer) bottle lining the counter, their limes sadly squeezed and laying in the bottom of the bottles.

So am trying to sober up enough to cook dinner, dye my hair and enjoy The Waterhorse.

So what's been going on? I never write here anymore. I saw The Cure in May and I'm going to see them again this coming Saturday at Radio City Music Hall. I'm very excited. They were excellent in Philly, possibly the best I've seen them in the last 20 years.

I think a nap is in order.

The Cure

There's a longer post behind this one, but I am falling asleep while I listen to Ron and Fez so it'll have to wait.

But I wanted to tell you to go to Itunes immediately and download the new Cure Single. It's awesome. Don't believe me? Watch the Video

Little kids are AWESOME

I haven't posted in awhile because Mr. Pants and I have been super busy spending every waking moment in Lowes, where we'll blow close to $500, only to come home set up the new thing and have Al on his path of destruction knock it the fuck down.

But yesterday I decided to go over to the Game Stop and put a reserve on Mario Kart & Lego Indiana Jones for the Wii. I go in and get in line behind super mom, who is purchasing GTA vice city for her probably under 7 year old. The Game Stop Associate is being as polite as she can, telling Super Mom "this is really bad, like REALLY bad. There's cursing and killing and guns and..." Super Mom "Just ring it up, he's okay". If that kids shoots up his school, she'd be the first to say it was because of violent video games - but whatever! He's your lil' delinquent in the making.

As I am standing there waiting patiently, in walks a woman with a three year old and a baby in a car carrier. She comes in and stands between me and super mom and immediately starts yelling at the 3 year old. The little kid is cute, blonde hair, blue eyes, very chatty. She keeps telling her mom "I love you and I'd really like some popcorn". The mom keeps saying "you aren't getting any popcorn because you aren't standing right next to me". Now, I am not a fan of loud talkers in the morning and this line butting bitch was screeching at her kid. Once super mom wrapped up her transaction and headed out to buy crack for her kids, Screechy stepped up to the register, whipped out a game and did her yell / talk to the Game Stop Associate "My husband bought this and he doesn't realize that we can't be wasting our money on things like this - We have children!" Looks pointedly at the little girl, who is now shoving her hands into the baby carrier and singing "The baby doesn't want to live anymore, the baby doesn't want to live" in a rather melodic tone.

"WHAT ARE YOU SINGING?"

Little kid (With that duh! I'm singing pretty fucking clear here mommy look): "The baby doesn't want to live anymore, the baby doesn't want to live".

"WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS?"

Lil Kid: "The baby wants to die".

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

Me (out loud): "Because she's going to murder the baby".

I put the A in Anti Social

It's early. Or at least it's early for me. Mr. Pants is still snoozing, but I've already started doing laundry and had breakfast. The whole day is spread in front of me like a blank sheet of paper. I could watch Food Network and do nothing. Or I could finish Duma Key in my library. Or I could watch these 3 Netflix movies. Or I could clean my house. Unfortunately cleaning will most likely win.

We had a nice weekend. Yesterday we got up and went to breakfast. We went to a diner a town over, and the food was awesome, but the meal was very awkward. Sitting at the table next to us was my childhood best friend. I glanced over and saw her sitting there and immediately thought "That's Baby B - I should say Hi!" I figured I would wait until she was situated and then go over and say something. Except once she go her two little ones in their chairs, she picked up her cell phone and started to loudly argue with her husband. I leaned over to Mr. Pants and explained who she was. He's said "She's annoying." Suddenly she screeched "Everything always has to be all about you, Jason!" and hung up her phone. Still debating going over and saying something, I tried to mentally prepare myself. It's probably been 12 years since we saw each other and let's face it... I look like I'm wearing a fat suit now. Then she picked up her phone again and made her little daughter explain to "Daddy why he should go to New York".

That's when I decided fuck it and just kept my back to her the whole time. Back when your best friends were decided based on the proximity to your house does not necessarily transcend into adult friendships. Obviously we live two totally different lives (I honestly can not think of the last time I hung up on Mr. Pants - if I ever did) and what would I say? "Baby B? Remember me? We used to spend every waking moment together from Kindergarten to 6th grade - so how have you been since our last college drunken meeting? Really? Well, it's good to see you and be nicer to your husband!".


Is it weird that I wouldn't say anything? My brother thought I was crazy not to at least say hi. But somehow it seems okay to me.