Not in the game or on the ball

When I was a kid my brothers wanted to teach me how to play sports - any sport would be a common ground. I mostly wanted to wear dresses and have tea parties. We spent a lot of time in the yard me with a bat in my hand and occasional tears running down my cheeks as things like "keep your eye on the ball" and "stand with your feet apart! Not that far! No! Too close!" were shouted at me. Until one day Chip said "Choke up one the bat!" and my little girl brain went "What the fuck?!" and immediately I positioned the bat under my chin and pretended to choke. This got a huge laugh from everyone and even as a child I knew a laugh was golden. Making them laugh would make me not have to practice free throws for hours. Or run. Or swing the dumb bat.

I was reminded of this tonight when we all went out to dinner. I've written about the lack of love in my family. We will never say I love you, but we will rip each other to shreds and cackle through the entire thing. I've often wondered if that has hindered the way I deal with people? I only mock the ones I love, but I do mock them mercilessly. In my family you will be made fun of for being too fat, too thin, too tan, too pale, too smart, too dumb, too eccentric, too conformist, and the list goes on and on and on. It is amazing how quick witted we can be when it is time to make fun of each other. It is obviously something we get from my dad.

Tonight Chip and I went to dinner with my folks. My dad wanted us all to go in one car. I'm not sure when the last time I was in the backseat with one of my brothers was when my dad was driving, but it made for a hysterically funny trip to the Mall. It started with: "He's on my side!" Then morphed into "I'm not touching you!" which quickly became "why are you hitting yourself?". Until my dad said it: "Do NOT make me come back there!" We collapsed in a fit of giggles and then asked "Will you just turn around and take us home?" "You're not just going to start swinging wildly, are you?" Even my mom was laughing. It was a good night.

Today was not a bad day at work. It wasn't great either, but it wasn't bad. My weekend was a good one - I got significantly drunk on Friday with the usual cast of assholes plus a dude named Bucket- who showed me his dick and balls. At different times and not sexually. The word urethrae was used A LOT. Saturday Mr. Pants and I did a million things and I didn't get home here until after 2 AM. Sunday - I overslept. Cleaned a little. Got coffee. Lounged around. Ate some awesome food. Watched Revolutionary Road - which really stuck with me and I enjoyed immensely. Had some Peach Pie (one slice - in case you are keeping count) and went to bed. A lovely day, if I say so myself.

Alright kids, this place smells like cat pee. I gotta scoop and put on my jammies. Catch you on the flip side